How to set healthy boundaries in your relationship

The thought that you need boundaries in your relationship may seem ridiculous but I usually advise it in a new relationship..

Too often, people view boundaries as rules which are stiff; when in reality, boundaries are malleable safety ‘guidelines’ that you put in place to avoid getting hurt..

They are malleable because as time goes on, you may discard some or push others out because you have gotten used to each other..

That being said, what boundaries should you have in your sweet, happy relationship?

1. Intimacy

I will never get tired of saying that I am not a fan of premarital sex. You ought to have a serious discussion about how far you want to go physically so that neither of you is surprised..

2. Expectations

Going into a relationship, you already know what you want out of it but in a case where both of you have divergent expectations e.g. long-term relationship, speedy marriage, a casual fling, etc. you two would have to set the boundary on what to expect from each other..

3. Fights

It may seem weird to talk about this when you are happy in your relationship but it helps to talk about fights and the lines you will not cross no matter how angry you get..

4. Personal time

We, women always have the time we don’t want to be bothered by anything, especially when we just start dating a guy. Thus, this period must be sacred. Respect his personal time and he will respect your ‘me time’.

5. Family

You two just got together but will you be very involved with each other’s families? The kind of people you two are will determine your preferences. So talk about this early, too.

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The point of having boundaries is to avoid stepping on each other’s toes. As time goes on, you two will get relaxed with each other and know which boundaries to discard. In the meantime, you should take a look at these..

6. Friends

It may seem like a no-brainier to you but he may not want you to be too close to his friends, for a wide range of reasons or, he may prefer that you hang out with his friends while you are the type that keeps to yourself. Either way, know what boundaries to keep when it comes to friends, yours or his..

7. Independence

It is wise that both of you discuss what aspects of your life you are not ready to share, perhaps because of a bad past experience. For example, a guy duped you and now, you don’t want to share your money with him..

8. Social media

Are you two the type that will change your Facebook relationship status once you begin dating? Or perhaps, you would prefer to keep your relationship private..

9. Triggers

In a bid to be open to each other, you divulged secrets, past hurts, and baggage to him but that does not mean he can throw it in your face. He may not do so deliberately though, this is why you should tell him words or actions that trigger hurtful memories so it can become a boundary in your relationship..

10. The future

Perhaps, you two have been together for a while and the future looks promising but it is important that you talk about the life, goals, and values you wish to hold on to..

For example, how would you want to raise your kids?

I hope these have helped!

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